Interview with Liane Willey

I was delighted that Liane Willey, author of the book Pretending To Be Normal agreed to do an interview with me for my blog. Liane is a wonderful women on the autism spectrum who works to improve the lives of other families living with autism.

1) How did you handle finding employment and keeping it? Are there some tips you could share with other people on the Autism spectrum (and their families helping them) struggling with job issues?



It was very difficult for me to go to job interviews, but I forced myself to do what had to be done. Namely, I made resumes, practiced having interviews with myself in the mirror, and I made sure I had a nice outfit to wear to the interview so that my appearance was neat and appropriate. I cannot say this was easy. There were times I would put off going to the interview for days on end. The key to making myself go was to find a job I was qualified for. When I was 16 I was only qualified for fast food restaurant work so I applied, and got a job at, McDonald's. I applied for my position as a professor after I had my doctorate degree. I did not get every job I applied for and I was often terminated soon after the job. By the time I was in my late 20s, I knew teaching was something I was good at, so I decided to pursue only jobs where I could monologue or teach. My advice is simple: find what you're good at, pick an area you enjoy so you will stay motivated to do what it takes to obtain and keep the job, study hard and gain as much educational or practical experience as your budget will allow for, get experience even if it is as an intern or volunteer, and practice interview skills. After you do get a job, work with a job coach or counselor to make sure your social skills are of the sort your new career will demand. Finally, there is no shame in any job. I often took jobs below what I thought were my academic and experience level, but I learned something in each job, so no job was ever a waste of time.



2) What is the biggest issue facing the autism community today and how would you like it handled?



This is a tough question to answer. If I have to pick one it would be to reach the ASD affected minority, low socioeconomic and elderly populations with both ASD awareness and support programs. I would love the media to join forces and broadcast free ASD educational programs geared toward teachers, caregivers, families, and individuals. A network devoted to nothing but special needs would be great and our ASD community could have a strong voice and presence in this programing.



3) Do you have any tips for managing autistic mannerisms, like rocking, spinning objects, etc.?


I never try to break a stim or habit without having something in mind to take its place. When making a replacement habit, I try to find something that is very similar, but that may look less like a stim. For example, I like to rock, but I rock side to side, rather than forward and backward because it looks more natural- like a mother rocking a baby. And I still afford myself plenty of opportunity to stim as I wish, in private. Private may mean the back of a grocery aisle where there is no audience or a public bathroom behind the closed doors of the stall, but usually it means in my own home.



4) What can people on the spectrum and their loved ones do to keep them safe? How can a person on the spectrum figure out if a situation is "safe" or a person is "safe"? What are some red flags that a situation is bad?


I am not sure a person on the spectrum will ever be 100% able to stay safe and avoid bad situations. Our poor theory of mind and our inability to read non-verbal communications and judge hidden social curriculums make it nearly impossible to always judge a person's intent or a situation's risks. I do know that it is comforting for me to have a trusted person or two I can call the moment I feel like I might be close to something unsavory. I give myself permission to call one of my trusted friends the moment I feel unsafe. Regrettably, I still walk into bad situations, so I would like to refer readers to autism safety expert Dennis Debbaudt. His contact information is http://www.autismriskmanagement.com
Email: ddpi@flash.net
Autism Risk & Safety Management now on FaceBook. Join us here:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Autism-Risk-Safety-Management/247829751467?ref=mf


5) When you're close to "melting down"; how do you handle it?

First of all, I had to learn by trial and error and many years of paying attention to my reactions, what would make me break down and how to avoid it. Now that I know what my personal buttons are, when I see the buttons are about to be pushed, I tend to go to the darkest part of my closet, close my eyes, shut out all noise, and concentrate on my breathing. If I don't' get myself out of the on-coming storm, I will surely get caught up in it and then I have to ride it out with either extreme amounts of anxiety, physical illness, or lots of tears.

6) What are some do's and not do's of dating? Is there any cautions you have? And what can a parent/caregiver do to help a person on the spectrum interested in dating?

In my perfect world, people on the spectrum would only date people they have been fixed up with by friends and family members! However, there are places and situations that are safer than others for making friends and building relationships. For example, don't toss a person with an ASD to a bar and expect the evening to go well. Family oriented centers like the YMCA rock climbing club or a local bowling league tend to be safer bets for meeting people who do not have ulterior motives in mind. That having been said, there are cruel people everywhere, so the person on the spectrum has to have a solid understanding of what constitutes good and inappropriate behavior and how to handle such behavior if it comes up. Remember that dating will often turn into something interpersonal, so don't underestimate the importance of sex education. Be direct in your discussions, leave nothing out. Discuss diseases, how they are acquired, pregnancy, the urban myths surrounding all the above, and the importance of knowing "no means no". Social coaching is a must in this area and at some point, I would bring in both males and females to talk as freely as possible about their issues, concerns, questions, etc. Let the person on the spectrum do as much self-analysis and questioning, and as much self-advocating and understanding as they can.

7) What is something about Autism that you wish everybody would know?
Yes. I wish people knew that everyone who has autism has a wonderful story to share. If people took time to really learn to listen to and learn from their autistic associates, I bet they would be surprised and delighted with what they learned from the person with autism.



8) Is there something you would like to tell parents/caregivers out there?

Take time for yourself. Shed any guilt you may have. Every parent/caregiver has moments of guilt over any human they tend to, so just know it's normal. Laugh as often as you can. Pick your battles. Know that things get better. Never underestimate the gifts your person with an ASD has. Keep the bar just high enough, and take care not to make it too low. Remember, the support you give is incredibly important and life saving. Without you, I shudder to think where folks on the spectrum would be.

Autism Women's Network

There's a great resource out there for anybody concerned with issues of women on the autism spectrum. It's called the Autism Women's Network. I asked Sharon daVanport; the AWN's Executive Director &
Radio Show Host; if she would mind answers a few questions. She was more than happy to:

How would you describe what the Autism Women's Network is?

Our mission is to provide effective supports to autistic females of all ages through a sense of community, advocacy and resources.

The Autism Women's Network is a networking community of autistic females, their families, friends, and supporters who can share their experiences amongst a diverse, inclusive, and supportive environment. Our website publishes wide variety of articles relevant to the autism community as a whole. Some of the articles are original stories and others are contributed to AWN from our members who originally posted them on their blogs or web pages. Please let us know if you are interested in submitting a story to AWN; we are always interested in reviewing material from Contributing Writers. You can reach us at: AWN Contact Form.


What inspired you to create the Autism Women's Network?

With a diagnosis of Asperger's, I made most of my initial contacts with the autism community through primarily Asperger's Groups. For the better part of 2009 I was continually challenged to raise awareness for all females on the spectrum as opposed to only those with AS. It didn't take me long to realize that I was better suited for a more inclusive environment.

In addition, an overwhelming consensus from females on the spectrum was their desire to be part of a non-judgmental networking community. They believed it was essential if they were to continue moving forward toward solutions and answers pertaining to matters specific to females. We looked hard at the issues which had not been working in the past, and we developed a strategy to move forward in a new and positive direction.


You must be very excited about the official launch of the forums! Who would you encourage to join the forums?
Most definitely females on the spectrum. In addition, family members, friends, educators, psychologists, and anyone in a supportive role to females on the spectrum.

Typically the males who join will pop over to the forum & say a quick hello with a brief introduction. It's nice to have a show of support from others in the autism community who may not intend on utilizing the forum personally, but will take the time to send their encouragement and well wishes our way.



What kind of topics are discussed on the forums?

AWN Forum topics are designed to inspire meaningful discussions which focus on issues relevant to females on the autism spectrum. It is our goal to successfully accomplish a portion of AWN's mission by building an interactive community whereby these discussions can take place.

Some of the forum topics are: Ask a NT, Special Interests, Art Gallery, Potpourri, Parent's Palace, Bullies and toxic People We Encounter, and many more. A few more topics which cover discussions on food, autism news, and relationships are:

Bon Appétit Share your favorite recipes, cooking tips, GF/CF info., & all things food related.

Extra! Extra! Read all about it... Autism news around the world.

Relationships A place to share your experiences, advice, & suggestions regarding family, dating, friends, & coworkers, etc.


An new addition which is coming soon to our forum is E-Mentoring. This will be under the leadership of AWN's International Director form Australia, Katharine Annear. E-Mentoring will give people the chance to have one-to-one support, advice and guidance from a volunteer who is independent from their ordinary life.

E-mentoring allows mentors and mentees to keep in touch by having conversations online, through a website. The mentoring relationship is facilitated by a safe and stimulating web-based environment (AWN Forum) which allows mentors and mentees to:
• Post messages
• Share information
• Discuss news items
• Access resources


** We are finalizing details on another Discussion Board for the Forum which will address issues of domestic violence, abuse, and the vulnerabilities of females on the spectrum as it pertains to these serious matters. Stay tuned for these additions to the Forum coming soon.

What is your online radio show about?

AWN Radio allows our organization to keep the lines of communication open pertaining to autism news, hot topics, authors, parents, educators, and individuals on the spectrum who come from all walks of life. AWN Radio allows us to reach a larger audience with participation from our listeners via the chat room and phone lines.

Though we strive to keep our programming consistent with our mission, we aren't exclusive to topics pertaining to only autistic females. We definitely have a diverse guest list which include males, females, autistics, and neuro-typicals.


Do you have any events coming up?

AWN is currently planning a few community events for April during Autism Awareness Month. Details will be posted on our website just as soon as the events are finalized.

Several AWN Directors will be speaking at conferences, workshops, and support groups throughout 2010. The Autism Women's Network will also be in attendance at numerous autism functions for networking purposes throughout the year.


Considering the statistics of only 1 in 4 autistics being female; do you think autistic women's concerns are taken seriously?

I believe we are slowly making progress in this respect; however, it is undeniable that we still have a long way to go.

AWN is dedicated to educating others about the unique qualities specific to autistic females. Recognized experts agree that furthering our knowledge specific to these issues will lead us to a greater understanding of the spectrum as a whole.

It would therefore benefit all of us to heighten awareness with regards to these matters. AWN is dedicated to keeping the focus on matters specific to females on the autism spectrum, and we extend an invitation for our community to join us.